The Good, The Bad, and the Very Very Handsome
by Turock
Summary: Karnage captures a ditzy foreigner, who believes he wants to help her troubled nation. Baloo and Kit scramble to save her in time. Giant eagles and mind-controlled zombies add some complications along the way.


_Well, after pouring hundreds of hours of my life into writing the first iteration of this story (which some of you may remember), it was mercilessly cast asunder from this site into digital oblivion. I guess it was written in script form, and scripts offend their sensibilities or something like that. Oh well, no hard feelings! I saw it as a chance to improve my skills, so I re-thought the plot, strengthened the characters, wrote the first chapter... and haven't touched it since! However, thanks to a loyal fan who found me on Deviant Art, of all places (my DA name is Turock, if you're interested!), I'm being urged to republish. So, if you never got a chance to read the previous version, I hope you'll enjoy this one! If you enjoyed the previous version, read this one again because it's got some new twists and turns! As always, feed your praiseivorous fanfic author, and she just might write you some more... -Turock_

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><p>It was a beautifully clear night. Stars winked down from the heavens and crisp air danced around the yellow seaplane that cut through the black blankets of sea and sky. Kit sleepily rested his cheek against the cool window, hypnotized by the droning vibration of the plane's engines. The small bear scratched at the messy brown fur around the rim of his cap and his eyes drifted over to the slouched hulking figure of the pilot, his "Poppa Bear". He smiled as he noticed the dark bags under Baloo's eyes. It had been yet another long, eventful day. Before he met Baloo, Kit never dreamed that cargo delivery could be such a continuous adventure! Drained from the day's activities, he yawned and shifted to a more comfortable position in an attempt to sleep away what remained of the night.<p>

Suddenly the radio receiver hissed to life with sparks of static. A tinny foreign-sounding voice, fragmented by interference, rang through the speaker. Now alert and awake, Kit perked his ears to try and decipher the choppy message.

"—ello? Is anyone—plane is dying and I don't know—position is—mountain with palm trees—um, Louie's? — please help—!"

Concerned, Kit looked beseechingly over at Baloo, whose head rested heavily on his hand. He didn't look as though he had even heard the message.

"Louie's? We left there not too long ago. We're real close… Poppa Bear?"

Baloo blinked a bit. "Wha-? Oh, right, Li'l Britches, and I'm real close to missin' another one of Becky's deadlines."

Kit was not deterred. He and Baloo were not related by blood, but they had been through so much together that the bond they shared was closer than that of many fathers and sons. Kit recognized a lazy spell brought on by one too many Piña Coolaidas when he saw one. He cocked an eyebrow and folded his arms at his chest. "So? Becky's deadlines haven't stopped us from helping anyone before." He nodded towards the little pink cocktail umbrella poking out of Baloo's shirt pocket. "They certainly didn't stop us from going to Louie's either!"

Baloo yawned and stretched his massive body. "I know, Britches, I know. But someone else'll just have to come along tonight." He wrinkled his nose at the cargo crates in the back of the plane. "I don't know what's so special about a bunch a' smelly yams, but Becky said if those veggies aren't back on time, it's bye-bye Baloo." He affectionately stroked the worn steering wheel of his beloved Sea Duck and cooed, "And bye-bye my Baby, too."

"Baloo, we were the last ones to leave Louie's. You _know_ there's no one else out here this late at night!"

But neither bear realized that a large shadow was passing over them on this cloudless night. The distress call rang out through another, more sinister radio. Pirates huddled around the device like vultures, rubbing their hands and exchanging smirks as they listened to the message. Their captain flashed his teeth in an evil grin and announced in a thickly accented voice, "So, my pilfering pinheads, it is time for an emergency relief mission." He paused for the dramatic flair he so loved. "…To _relieve_ her of her cargo! Aheheha!"

Back in the Sea Duck, Baloo was trying to avoid the uncomfortably insistent puppy-dog look of his big-hearted little friend. He was enjoying this rare moment of rest, but he knew he shouldn't argue. Kit was right. Since when did they turn down the opportunity to be heroes? Finally, he chuckled and pulled the cub's cap down over his big brown eyes. "Alright, L'il Britches, you win!"

Kit laughed and leaned in attentively, while Baloo adjusted the radio a bit and smiled. "Hello there, this is your lucky day speaking! Come on in…"

There was silence on the other end for a short while, then a high pitched woman's voice came through much clearer than before. "H-hello?"

"Howdy," Baloo answered with friendly cheer. "What can I do ya for…?"

The woman on the other end emitted such a high-pitched squeal of delight that the radio screamed feedback, as if it was in pain. When Baloo was finally able to take his fingers out of his ears, he could hear the woman babbling about how happy she was to hear his voice, how she had wondered if she would ever be rescued, that she didn't know if she was working the radio correctly, and so on.

"Whoa there, banshee lady," he boomed, "warn me before you empty those lungs again!"

"Oh, tee hee, I'm sorry!"

Baloo took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Now, what seems to be the problem, Miss?"

The woman was silent for a bit, then giggled, "Um, I forgot!"

Baloo and Kit exchanged looks. Baloo was beginning to wonder whether this was all just some kid playing around on her dad's radio when the girl stuttered, "Oh-oh, yes, um, it's my plane. It's, erm, coughing and shivering and looks like it has a runny nose… You don't suppose it's sick, do you?"

Baloo rolled his eyes. "Well, it's probably—."

She interrupted him. "Oh, there's this big red E that keeps flashing… And isn't that big pinwheel thing on the nose supposed to _stay_ spinning?"

Baloo smacked his face. "That big E you mentioned… it wouldn't happen to be the fuel gauge, would it?" he sighed. Unless this girl was some distant relative of Wildcat's, there was no way anyone that crazy could keep a plane in the air long enough to run it out of gas.

"Um, that spinny thingy is not spinning anymore!"

The bears could hear her huffing and puffing out the window, no doubt trying to blow the propeller like a pinwheel . "Ooo, I'm getting dizzy…" she whimpered.

Baloo couldn't help but laugh. Kit frowned. "What're we gonna do, Poppa Bear? Doesn't sound like that plane 's going to be airborne much longer."

"If there even is a plane," Baloo muttered under his breath. "Relax, Britches, I have a sneaky suspicion we're caught in the tailwind of some rascal's idea of a joke. But, look out there at the bright side." He pointed to where the sun was just peeking over the horizon, its rays casting brilliant hues of pink and orange throughout the sky, reflecting with sparkling radiance across the water. Best of all, silhouetted against the spectacle were the cliffs of Cape Suzette!

Once again, Baloo grabbed the radio. "Now, listen here, darlin', you just stay calm and don't do anything too… well, you know. We're getting some help and'll be there with you soon. Now, if you have to land in the water—."

The woman seemed frantic. "Oh no! The water? But I don't know if the plane can swim! I don't know if _I_ can swim! How will I—?"

At this point, Baloo had no doubt this was just some ornery practical jokester trying to dupe them into a fool's errand, but he knew Kit wouldn't be convinced until they investigated. For all his intelligence, that kid was just too eager to abandon common sense when some sob story tugged at his heartstrings. Maybe he'd learn a lesson when they returned to find no girl, no plane and no problem. And then maybe he could get the nap he so deserved!

Now dreaming of naptime, Baloo yawned into the radio, "Just put her down nice and gentle and we'll be back before you know it."

The frantic voice continued. "Wait! But, I—I don't—How do—!" Baloo switched off the receiver and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Boy, Kit," he laughed over at the cub who looked a bit sheepish, "You really know how to call 'em!"

"Maybe we should check on her once we get into Cape Suzette, Baloo. It didn't sound like she was… the most experienced pilot," Kit suggested.

Baloo laughed out loud. "Ha ha, or the brightest bulb on the emergency dashboard!" Kit smiled weakly, but it was obvious he was in no joking mood. Baloo softened his tone a bit. "Aw, now don't worry Li'l Britches. We'll drop off Becky's spuds, get some gas, grab Wildcat, and be back 'fore I can say 'I told ya so!' Everything's gonna be fine, you'll see!"

Kit began to relax and smiled up at the big grey bear. "Well, if you say so, Baloo."

"Say so? I _promise_!"

The ominous shadow of the Iron Vulture now engulfed a struggling antiquated vessel. "Get me that plane!" came the cry from the captain, and two bi-wing pirate planes dashed out of the cavernous iron beak. They sandwiched the ailing aircraft's wings between their own and corralled their quarry back into the dark depths of the Vulture's belly.

"Grrrrreetings and tribulations, distressing damsel!"

The disembodied voice echoed in the blackness, bouncing off cold, hard walls and floor. Eerie lights gradually brightened until the entire gargantuan room was bathed in their sickly green luminescence. The foreign aircraft rested on the metal floor of a hangar, surrounded by hundreds of empty pirate planes. The scraggly shapes of sneering pirates, clutching various weapons, hung over the balcony railing that encircled the whole room.

A spotlight caught the glint of shiny steel as Don Karnage sauntered into view, sword drawn, surrounded by his posse. The ostentatiously clad pirate captain halted in the middle of the spotlight and saucily leaned on his sword. "How privileged you are to stop by!" he grinned while the pirates behind him chuckled with nasty raspy laughter, bearing sharp yellow teeth.

The handle of the captured vessel's door squeaked. The pirates twitched expectantly, ready to dash upon the unfortunate victim as soon as the hatch opened. The handle squeaked some more, and rustled. The pirates waited… and waited. The squeaks and rustles grew more insistent and were joined by an occasional thud. Karnage's smile faded into annoyed impatience and the pirates' weapons drooped as their ears cocked towards the strange sounds coming from inside the plane. There was a muffled voice now joining the mix, though its words were indistinguishable.

All of a sudden, the hatch flew open and a tiny woman tumbled out of the plane, yelling with surprise and rolling head over heels onto the floor! The pirates, including the captain, staggered back as she finally came to rest, splayed out in the spotlight. The pirates confusedly looked to their leader for his orders. Frustrated, he stomped towards the woman, beckoning to the person manning the spotlight, "Turn that off, turn that off!"

He glared down at the prostrate woman, whose head bobbled around with dizziness. She was fox-like, not much larger than a child, but with ridiculously large ears. Thickly lined eyelashes matched her long, dark hair, which looked just as haggard as her exotic attire. The captain was just about to pull her up by her tawny fur when she shook her head, fixed her focus on him and bounded to her feet.

Grabbing him in a vice grip, she bounced up and down squealing, "Thank you, thank you, **thank you**!"

"Get it off! Get it off! **Get it off!**" Karnage screamed, his fur frizzing up all the way down to his brushy tail. He pushed her off of him and brandished his sword, threateningly. "What do you think you are doing, you feminine fatality?"

Unfazed, she buried her face in her hands to try and stifle her giggles. "Tee hee hee! You saved my life! How can I ever repay you?" But suddenly her hands parted slightly, revealing her widened eyes. "Wait!" she gasped. "Where am I?"

In a grand gesture, Karnage beckoned her to behold the splendor of his ship. "You are inside the marvel of maleficence, the Iron Vul—!"

"Are we in the air?" she demanded.

Karnage cocked an eyebrow. This little louse had the audacity to interrupt _him, _the scourge of the skies, the wolf among worms? "Well, of course we are in the air. Where else would we be?" His voice betrayed his frustration.

The woman sighed in relief, then spoke very quickly in her thickly accented voice, "Oh thank goodness. I was so afraid! Who was it who told me I'd have to crash in the water? Was it you?"

"Wha-what are you talking ab—?"

She accusingly wagged her finger at his pointy snout. "That is a very bad thing, messing with a girl's fears like that!" Immediately, she broke into a ditzy smile again and rattled off, "Tee hee! But I forgive you! Now, I must speak with your leader at once! It is a matter of great importance!"

Karnage could feel the heat rising up his collar. This infernal flea did not seem even the least bit frightened by him, a fact which was rapidly setting him off! He answered her very deliberately, trying to keep control of his testy temper. "_I_ am the leader, the _Master_ of Great Importance. I am—."

At this point, the woman burst into uncontrollable squeaky laughter, her whole body vibrating so much that her huge ears wiggled and it seemed she might collapse from unsteadiness. "Oh! _You_ are the leader? Hee hee hee! I never would have guessed that! What is your name?"

Karnage clenched his teeth so hard they nearly shattered to pieces in his mouth. His ruddy color grew redder by the second until he looked like the head of a thermometer inside a volcano. With great effort he forced out, "I am Don Karnage, captivating captain of—."

"It is nice to meet you, and I must speak with you!" she interrupted yet again, grabbing his hand and shaking it violently. "I have an urgent message about—!"

The pirate captain exploded. Jumping up and down in his fury, he bellowed, "**Do you ever shut up?**"

Once more the woman erupted in giggles, "Oh, I am sorry Mr. Carnage, I—."

He bore down on her, sword flashing in her face. "It is Karnage, **Kar**-nage! And roll the 'r'!"

She leaned back, away from the sword and Karnage's hot breath, and clutched her mouth to try and control her laughter. "Tee hee! Yes, Mr. Karrrrrrnage, as you can see I sometimes get a little carried away!"

Karnage slapped his face. "Oh for the love of—!" He muttered a stream of incomprehensible curses and stomped around in a circle, clutching his face as if he was about to rip it from his head. Miniscule though she may be, it was obvious this insufferable girl was not going to be easily intimidated. Signaling her to hurry up, he sighed, "What is this message you speak of? Why should I care? Tell me, tell me."

She fell silent, staring at him like a deer staring at headlights. Karnage stopped his pacing and pierced her through with his yellow-eyed glare. Finally, she stated, "I forgot!" and doubled over with laughter once again.

The exasperated pirate lifted her off the ground and shook her so hard her brain rattled inside her head like a maraca. "Listen you half-pint hyena, I am going to **tear** that smile off your face and—!"

"Oh, I remember, I remember!" she started. In a second her countenance grew somber and she recited, "My message is in regards to my nation. We are suffering a massive drought, and many have died already. We have tried all we could, but nothing has helped. We have no more options and no choice other than to turn to you. Please, we must have your aid!"

This time the tables were turned. The whole hangar resounded with the pirates' wheezy laughter, and Karnage's voice rose above them. "Help? Hoo hoo, Lady, I do not think you are knowing who you are talking to!"

Upon hearing laughter, she couldn't help herself and began to giggle again. "Hee hee! Now that you mention it, I don't think I have ever heard of you—."

The whole assembly fell silent with one resounding gasp. Karnage's eyes threatened to bulge out of their sockets. "Never… heard… of me?" He leaned in to the girl, demanding, "What do you _mean_ you have not heard of me?"

Sheepishly, she admitted, "Umm… I never was any good at social studies in school… tee hee!"

Karnage's brow furrowed. How could there be a corner of the globe that had somehow managed to escape his reign of terror, where pilots did not constantly look over their shoulders out of fear that his pirates would appear from thin air, where the mere mention of his glorious name did not strike horror into the hearts of young and old alike? Now he was genuinely curious. "Who… did you say you were again?"

"Oh! I forgot to introduce myself!" She curtsied low and surprisingly gracefully. "I am Salwa, princess and heiress to the throne of the great nation of Yamidia."

Karnage sneered. "Princess? _Yamidia_? You are not the twinkliest pumpkin on the coloring box if you think we will believe such nonsensery! There is no such place as Yamidia."

"Hee hee! I believe the Sahairy desert is full of people who _do_ believe this 'nonsensery'! My nation is both powerful and wealthy. Its borders extend to—."

"Did you say _wealthy_?" Karnage asked, his interest piqued.

"Oh, yes, Mr. Karnage, and we do not expect you to help us for free!"

"I am listening."

"I have filled my plane with the wealth of Yamidia, the most valuable item our country has to offer—."

Karnage did not waste another second. "To her plane, my minions! Fetch me her valuable salvage-ables!"

The pirates descended on her plane like a plague of locusts, swarming in from all reaches of the hangar. Karnage watched them with pride as they tore through the aircraft, doing what pirates do best: plundering treasure! For once, Salwa seemed not to know what to say as she watched her plane rock with activity and heard the sounds of its contents smashing on the ground. "Um, Mr. Karnage, I think—er, you might tell your men to—ah, be a bit more…" Another loud smash caused her to cringe. "…careful?"

Mad Dog poked his whiskered head out of the hatch and held up an equally whiskery orange blob. "All that's in here are a bunch of these squishy hairy things, Boss!" he whined, confused.

With a swipe of his sword, Karnage cleaved the fuzzy object in two, right out of the jittery pirate's hand. "Nonsense!" he chided, "I, my sleuthing self, know that those are merely _hiding_ the treasure from your peeping eyes!" He marched up into the plane, pompously shoving Mad Dog back through the hatch. "Come, come I will show you."

Salwa followed hesitantly behind. When she saw the scene of destruction inside she nearly fainted. Shards of broken crates and squished orange puddles littered the small cargo hold. Karnage dug through a crate, tossing its strange contents over his shoulder. "Where is the treasure?" he growled, spinning to face the small woman after the crate was completely empty. "If you were lying to me, I'll—!"

"_That_ was the treasure," Salwa said sadly, pointing to the fuzz ball in Karnage's hand.

"_That_?" Karnage exclaimed, sinking his fingers into the mush. "What is _that_?"

"That is a yam… or used to be," she sighed as he dropped the ruined vegetable and flicked the residue off his hand.

"…Yams. **YAMS!** What were you thinking? Why would I want your nasty yams?"

"Beta keratin?" Salwa suggested sweetly.

Karnage was incensed. This girl was unpredictable and a nuisance and he wanted her out of his sight until he could decide what to do with her. "I'll show you what to do with your 'bit o' kerosene'! Men, take her away!" He turned to leave as two pirates ensnared her arms.

"We have diamonds!"

The captain spun on his heel. "What did you say?"

Salwa giggled, "Diamonds, tee hee! Like this one!" With a pirate still attached to her arm, she fanned out her hand to reveal an elegant diamond ring. Karnage flew forward, flinging the pirates off of her and pulling her hand close to his face. Salwa continued, "Yamidia is just full of diamonds. Really, everybody has, I don't know… hundreds of them! Thousands of them! We put them in our babys' nooks and doggies' collars! Surely something so _common_ could be of no interest to you…"

A bit of drool dropped from Karnage's slack-jawed mouth.

"H-here," Salwa said, removing the ring from her finger. "Take it. A very meager gift for saving my life." Karnage did not notice the hesitation with which she removed the ring, nor the sadness in her eyes as she watched him snatch it almost as soon as it left her finger. Taking a deep breath, she added, "And, you can have as many of them as you want if you agree to help us."

Dumptruck chuckled and nudged another nearby pirate. "Vell, whaddya know? Yamidia is real _and _full of diamonds! Yeh heh! Guess the captain's no good at social studies, neither!"

"Idiots!" Karnage snapped. "I am not interested in sociable estudies." He returned to the ring, giddily watching how his handsome face reflected in each of the hundreds of sparkling facets. "But _diamonds_ certainly put the twinkle in my sparkling eye! Ahehehaha!"

A short, shifty pirate tiptoed up to the captain and began to mutter something in his ear. "What is it, Gibber? Can't you see I am…" He paused briefly to consider Gibber's insistent whispers. "Hmmm... uno memento," he said, pulling the little pirate aside.

Gibber continued his mutterings. Karnage's face lit up as he pondered what was being suggested. "Yes, if she is a princess, her father must be a king! He will most likely be wanting his precious pumpernickling back… Yes, I do think you are thinking what I am thinking, I think! We help the girl to… to…" He popped his head out of the huddle and caught Salwa's attention. "What is it you Hamidians need again?"

"Um, it's _Yam_-idia," Salwa corrected innocently. "And we need water. The drought is shriveling our crops and we have to—."

"**Water?**" Karnage laughed, "Is that all?" Returning to the huddle, he giggled and rubbed his hands together. "Ooohoohoo, Karnage you are a _genius!_ That king will give his diamonds for water…" He pressed Gibber's face up against a porthole and gawked at the endless waves that surrounded them. "…and we are in the middle of an ocean! Ahehahaha!"

Pulling Gibber back into the huddle, he continued, exuberantly. "Ah, but there is no such thing as a two-for-one water-daughter deal! First, we sell him his water. Then, we ransom his daughter! Oh, I am so smart! Hehe!"

Turning back around, he bowed smugly to Salwa and announced his decision. "Ahem, your Maestro?"

"Majesty!" peeped one of the nearby pirates, but Karnage waved a dismissive hand.

"Whatever, whatever." He puffed out his chest and lifted his eyebrows. "I, my own altruistic self, have considered your plight and decided…" He peeked down at the girl, whose face was full of anticipation at his next words. "To help you!" he said, after a sufficient pause.

Squealing with glee, Salwa once again attacked him, this time nearly bowling him over with the ferocity of her squeeze. "Thank you soooooo much!" she managed through the giggles.

"**Gha!**" Karnage screamed, trying to pry her off his person. "Get off me, you—oof! Karnage compactor!"

The girl released him and danced around the room, while Karnage angrily smoothed his rumpled suit. "As soon as you help me fix my plane, I can lead you to Yamidia!" Salwa sang out.

Karnage gave a sly smile. "Tsk tsk, do not be so hasty! We do not have royal visitors often. You are to be our _guest._"

Salwa smiled, "Thank you for the offer, Mr. Karnage, but shouldn't we—?"

Karnage scooted Salwa out of the plane. "Pshh pshh, leave the rescuing to us and eat yourself a little slice of home!"

"Goodness, Mr. Karnage, you just keep getting nicer and nicer! Tee hee!" Salwa giggled.

"Please, please, just call me 'Sir'… Oh Dumptruck?"

Dumptruck, the brutish bruiser, scratched his head, his eyes glazed with stupor. "Take her to our _guest_ _room_!" Karnage winked at him a couple of times. As he took Salwa's tiny hand in his own massive paw, Dumptruck watched his captain head towards the control room. "Der… I didn't know ve have a guest room," he mumbled to himself. He wondered if Karnage had meant anything by that wink… but after a moment of consideration, the question faded into the cobwebbed recesses of his brain. Obediently, he led Salwa towards a doorway and into the maze of corridors.

"Thank you again, Sir!" Salwa called over her shoulder. But Karnage had already vanished.

The SeaDuck hummed through the majestic cliffs that surrounded Cape Suzette as morning light flooded the canal, casting spell-binding shadows on the water below. Kit marveled, as he always had, at the myriad different air vessels that buzzed to and fro through the narrow passageway. They came in so many different shapes and sizes and colors, many with intriguing exotic insignia. He loved to imagine what the inhabitants of those planes looked like, where they came from and whether their passage through the cliffs promised them the comforts of home or the thrill of adventure.

His thoughts once again turned to the woman from the radio. A shiver ran down his spine as he considered what it might be like to be completely alone out there in that vast ocean. "Baloo?" he asked, "Maybe we should call that lady again, now that we're back at Cape Suzette?"

"Be my guest, Britches," Baloo said, passing the radio over to Kit.

"Me? Really? Gee, thanks Poppa Bear!" Controlling the radio was a treat, and Kit smiled ear to ear as he spoke into the receiver. "Uh, hello out there? This is the Sea Duck. We're the people you talked to a while ago, the ones who are going to rescue you!"

The radio was silent. Kit looked up at Baloo, questioningly, but as usual, the big grey bear was unconcerned. "Aw, she's probably busy lookin' for the emergency hammock and Twinkie supply, kiddo. Just keep on trying."

Kit returned to the radio. "Um, hello? Can you hear me?" They waited in silence for a few more moments. Kit persisted. "A-are you alright over there?"

The radio crackled to life, but the voice that came through the speaker made his stomach flip.

"Why, how thoughtful of you, small bear-type person! I am doing _splendidly_, and yourself?" cooed a certain sarcastic pirate.

"Karnage!" both bears exclaimed at once. Baloo snatched the radio and growled, "Listen here, you pi-_rat_, what have you done with the girl?"

"You mean the one I rescued from certain doom? It would have been a shame to let all that… _interesting_ cargo go to waste, no?"

Baloo clenched his fist around the receiver. "You hurt one hair on that girl's head and I swear I'll—!"

"Baloo, you hurt my feelings! What kind of a person do you think I am, that I would harm a poor defenseless girl?" the pirate chided.

"I know exactly what kind of person you are, Karnage! We're coming to get the girl and you're gonna give her to us, or else I'll—or else I'll…!" Baloo trailed off, his bravado sinking like his heart as he realized the cold, cruel fact: this was all his fault. He didn't have a plan because he hadn't believed the girl's story. Worse, he hadn't believed Kit.

"Or else, what, exactly?" Karnage urged, obviously enjoying Baloo's discomfort.

Baloo didn't dare look over at Kit. He felt his brow bead up with sweat as he inwardly cursed his own haughtiness. He couldn't believe he had let Kit down and put an innocent woman in danger. He had to come up with a strategy to save her, and he had to think quickly.

Karnage broke the silence. "I tell you what, Baloo, you let me know when you can finish that sentence, but in the meantime I look forward to seeing you! Don't be late! Bring me shiny presents! Aheheha!"

Baloo shot back, weakly, "Say your prayers, Karnage!" and switched off the radio.

"We'd better say ours, too," Kit sighed. "Doesn't look like Miz Cunningham's too happy to see us."

Sure enough, there on the distant dock was the unmistakable figure of their boss, hands on her hips. Though his eyes couldn't yet make out her face, Baloo knew exactly what expression she was wearing on it. He had seen it a thousand times before. Things were about to get tricky.

"Well…" Kit said, hesitantly, "it _is_ our third late delivery this week. And it's only Wednesday!"

Baloo smirked as he guided the plane down for a characteristically gentle landing. "Gee, kid, thanks for remindin' me."

As they skimmed across the water towards the dock, Baloo's brain played through the unloading / loading procedure several times. The quicker they got this over with, the quicker he could set things right… and the quicker he could get away from Becky's sour stare! "If we're gonna get back in time to save that girl, we'd better make like skates and scoot!" he urged, hopping out of the plane. But Kit was already on the dock, breezing past an indignant Rebecca.

"Hiya Miz Cunningham!" he puffed.

"Bye-ya 'Miz Cunningham'," Baloo waved, dashing passed the business woman so quickly her neatly kept hair fluttered in his wake.

"**BALOO!"** The sound stopped both bears dead in their tracks.

Baloo slowly turned to face his boss, nervously wringing his hat in his hands. "Um, yeah Becky?"

Her finger jabbed at his nose, her eyes boring holes into his sweaty head. "Do you know what day it is?"

He gulped down the brick in his throat. "Um, Wednesday?"

A sweet but obviously forced smile graced her rounded face. "That's right," she said, condescendingly. "And _when_ was my shipment of Sahairy yams supposed to be here?"

Baloo knew a storm was coming. He stammered, "Uh, um—."

"**YESTERDAY!" **The petite bear's humongous bellow nearly blew Baloo and Kit off the dock.

Baloo tried to regain his composure. "Uh, gee, really? Kit, did you know anything about that?"He desperately searched Kit's face for some help, but the cub backed away, waving his hands in the air, trying to escape his part in the blame.

"Quiet, Buster!" Rebecca snapped. "My phone has been ringing off the hook! Our clients need to start cooking for Sunday's Succotash Festival!"

Kit wrinkled his nose and interjected, "Aw, c'mon Miz Cunningham. Who wants to go to a _veggie party_ anyway?"

"That's not the point, young man!" She turned to Baloo, who was already trying to slink away. "Nine furious customers wanted their yams yesterday and _you_ didn't have them here! **That's** the point!" she barked, jabbing her animated finger into his chest.

"B-b-but Becky, I can explain!" Baloo stuttered.

"It's Rebecca," the woman scowled, crossing her arms. "And your stories are so bogus, even Wildcat can see through them."

Kit stepped forward, pleading with her. "But this time we're telling the truth! A lady's plane was crashing and we needed to come back here to get some help."

Baloo's head nodded so vigorously it nearly fell off his neck. "Yeah, but before we could get back to her—!"

"Lemme guess," Becky sneered, "Pirates beat you to her, right?"

Baloo was taken aback. "Wow! How'd you know?"

"Call it women's intuition," Becky groaned.

Baloo grabbed Kit and made for the office, calling over his shoulder, "So now that we understand each other, I'm going to get Wildcat and some fuel and we'll just be on our way!"

"Baloo, get back here right now! I'm not finished with you!" Rebecca called, stamping her foot.

Baloo whirled around again, exasperated. "What now, Boss Lady?"

Rebecca stalked towards him, hands on her hips. "I can't unload all those yams by myself. Get in there and help me." She plucked the cocktail umbrella from Baloo's shirt pocket. "That is, if you're not too tired from all the fun you had at **Louie's**!" She turned and stormed back into the plane.

Baloo and Kit followed her, feeling helpless to resist at this point. "Now Rebecca," Baloo said, "I can explain!"

"I'll tell you where you can put your lies—!" Her gasp was audible from outside the airplane. Her jaw dropped through the floor as her eyes darted around the cargo hold. Inside were crates and crates full of slimy, stinky brown lumps, some of which had little green shoots popping out of their skins. "Where… are… the Sahairy yams?" she choked.

Baloo frowned. "That's what I gotta explain, you see—."

"These are nothing but a bunch of potatoes!" Becky twisted to avoid stepping on an oozing mass. "Rotten potatoes!" She pinched her nose and wailed, **"What happeded to by cargo? **You didd't ebed _go_ to the pick-up poidt, did you?"

Baloo shrugged his shoulders and insisted. "I _did _Becky, I did! But the loading guys didn't have much of anything to load. Said there was some drought in the desert where the yams grow. Besides, the ones that didn't look like overgrown raisins were still spoiled."

"What are you takidg about?" Becky huffed, nose still pinched.

"They were all covered in fuzz. Looked like some kinda mold," Baloo said, sticking his tongue out in disgust. "So I traded them off at Louie's, I mean, cause I figured it was on the way, and he gave me all these on account of his new sweet potato surprise sundae not selling so well."

Becky tossed her head back in defeat. "You **moron!** Sahairy yams are _supposed_ to be hairy! They're exotic! Exotic means big bucks!" She grabbed a rotten potato. "And you traded them all for these _stink bombs_? What do you have to say for yourself?"

Baloo smiled stupidly and tapped his fingertips together. "Um… oopsie?"

Rebecca slammed the squishy potato onto his head and stomped out of the plane. Kit gave her a wide berth, looking apologetically at Baloo, who wiped the slime from his eyes as he followed her. "B-B-Becky, I'm sorry, I thought—."

"Don't 'I'm sorry' me, you big buffoon!" She spun to glare at him. "You're going back to Louie's to get my yams and you're doing it right now!"

Baloo muttered, halfway to himself, "Too late… Louie already made yam jam for his peanut butter and veggie sandwiches."

Kit couldn't stand it any more. He gathered his courage and interceded for his pal. "Ms. Cunningham, we have to get help before those pirates hurt that poor lady."

But Becky would not hear it. "I don't care if they kidnapped the Sultan of the Sahairy!" She grabbed Baloo by the ear, ignoring his protests and shoved him back into the cockpit. "Go to that desert and get me my yams in person! **NOW!**"

"The Sahairy is four day's flight round trip!" Kit argued. But he was already heading for the navigator seat. It was obvious that she was going to get her way.

"If Baloo's as good a pilot as he thinks he is _and_ if he wants to keep his plane, he'll make it in two!"

"But Becky!" Baloo made one last feeble attempt to argue.

"Can it, spud-head. Now, go!" She slammed the door so hard that the bears could hear the crashing and thudding of cargo crates spilling over in the back.

Kit kicked the dash in frustration. "So, what now? Who knows what awful things those pirates have done to that girl by now, and we're just supposed to forget about it so Rebecca can please some weird old veggie-fanatics?"

But Baloo took a deep breath and automatically switched on the control panel to prepare for take-off.

Kit turned to him, face full of sadness and rage. "It's not fair, Poppa Bear. We gotta save that lady!"

The older bear felt the energy return to him as vibrations from the engines coursed through his body. Once more the Duck hummed to life, filling him with new hope and new purpose. "You heard 'Her Majesty'," he said, "We're goin' to the desert." Then he added with a wink and a mischievous smile, "But I didn't hear nothin' about steering clear of 'detours' along the way, did you?"


End file.
